if it hurts this much, it must be love .

[ZEPHYR DREW CLAYTON]

The comfortable smell of the familiar fragrance of outdoors seemed to loom around the twenty one year old as he stumbled through the front door of the apartment. He wasn’t too terribly surprised to find the front rooms vacant. Jayden had said he was working a little over time to give an extra hand for the absence of crew members. Besides, it wasn’t like Zephyr minded. Coming home smelling like who knew what wasn’t the best way to present yourself to your boyfriend. So, he dumped his duffle back at the front door (a very rare action for Zephyr Clayton), and kicked off his work boots. The steady ache in his feet seemed to relinquish on the freedom they were finally given. He had been on his feet for quite some time that day. Between running back and froth from the medical room to one of the exhibits and then back again, it wasn’t exactly the most pleasant day at work. But Zephyr loved it. Of course he did. He was working with animals and that was probably the best thing he could be doing with his life. But for now, it just felt nice to be able to escape the annoying pinch of his boots. Soon enough, he’d be leaving behind the smell of the great out doors as well. Sighing to himself, he turned away from the counter after emptying the content that filled his pockets onto the smoothed marble finish. Counting out the items, he was sure to have brought home everything he could remember taking with him that morning. Once he had doubled checked to sooth his paranoia, he slinked down the hall toward the bathroom. A lazy hand lifted and searched for the light to the right of the entrance. Once the switch had been located (not without the uncomfortable bump of his boney knuckle against the hard plastic), Zephyr stepped fully into the bathroom that was now beaming with the bright light(energy saving light, of course). Just the slightest glance in the mirror had the horror of his self consciousness rushing at him. His breathing caught in his throat and he stared down that flawed face that was pinned up in the reflective surface.

Sometimes, he questioned how someone as beautiful and talented as Jayden could want someone as degrading and damaged as Zephyr. In his head, that just didn’t work. He knew he had to let himself accept some of the things he was offered in life but for such a long time those things hadn’t been good things. His mother leaving, his father becoming an alcoholic and then taking his sorrow out on Zephyr, the separation. For so many years, he’d been taught that the world was a negative place that was just out to get you by making your life the most horrid experience. He’d thought about suicide once. But when he considered how selfish it seemed to take his life, the life his mother and father had given him, he reconsidered. Then, there was always the need to play the blaming game, even if Zephyr was always the one to get blamed. It was hard to play when you only had one pathway. But things weren’t so bad now. He wasn’t getting beaten anymore and he was in a career that he absolutely loved. He had someone that was trying their best to understand how his head worked and if Zephyr was going to accept anything more in life, why not give himself a break?

Because reality was better than feeding himself fiction that he could not even try to convince himself was real. He knew he wasn’t perfect. No one was. It just seemed like he had more flaws than the average person. Though Zephyr didn’t like to compare people, he often thought about how his life would he different if he were in some one else’s shoes. He’d been taught good, strong values from the way he had been raised (or had raised himself) and it was helping him survive in the harsh reality of what the real world was. But he had never had the experience of being a child. But if things had been different in his past, he wouldn’t be where he was now. And right now was right where he wanted to be. So, it helped the smile start to curl on his lips as he recognized those hazel eyes that Jayden was so convinced were the most beautiful eye’s he’d ever laid his eyes on. Instantly at the thought of the compliment running through his thoughts in that voice he was just dying to hear, color steadily began to fill his face. The head of the blush warmed his thoughts farther; making him tear his eyes away from the mirror to step toward the show to get the water started so it could adjust. Right now, getting into the steady stream of constant warmth and escaping Chicago’s chilly grasp sounded like a wonderful idea. With his mood so high, he tried his best to avoid dampening the sudden rush of comfort as he stripped from his clothes. He tried not to see the scars that covered his body or the patches of bruises he gained from being so fragile. He tried not to see the disgusting outline of thick bones that were resting just below the skin. He tried, but didn’t succeed. As much as he wanted to be able to skip tonight’s dinner (because the fear of gaining as much as a pound- when he needed at least twenty- was too great to risk), he knew that he’d get that look from Jayden if he were to make excuses. He couldn’t even stop himself from ruining things for someone else.

Zephyr disposed of his old clothing, putting them in the hamper with a faint reminder of needing to do laundry humming at the back of his mind. He refused to see the frown that was now laced on his lips, so he kept his eyes directed forward as he stepped past the mirror again. Push the curtain aside, he slipped through the small space he had created for himself and let the warm spray strip away all the mess that was left behind. Standing there in the quiet but constant pelt of the water hitting his skin, he contemplated the possible events for the rest of the evening. By the judgment of his aching muscles, a little rest was in line. Obviously the spike of the warm temperature wasn’t even enough to work the cold out of his body. Turning his body slightly, he leaned his head against the cold tiling; forcing a chill to divide down his spine. Zephyr closed his eyes. The least he could do was enjoy the shower while the water was still warm. The rest of the night was his down time and he needed to be able to enjoy that. But in doing it alone, it wasn’t exactly enjoyable. The boy leaned back away from the wall and steadied his lanky frame. The uneasy thoughts slipped from his mind as he worked his thin fingers through his hair to lather the soap over his scalp. All he could think about was how nice it sounded to be under those warm sheets covering their bed. A sigh pushed passed Zephyr’s plush lips. He stepped under the water and let the suds wash out of his caramel hair.

- -

The plush fabric fit loosely on his thin waist, just like any other item of clothing Zephyr owned. It seemed like he could never keep a steady wardrobe that actually fit his constantly changing body. Zephyr had always been small. Okay, so ‘small’ wasn’t the word for it. His constant fear of gaining weight added onto the negative thoughts his self consciousness fed on. It usually destroyed any self complimenting thought that Zephyr ever allowed himself to have. Sometimes, it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. He never really felt disappointed because he never depended on anything or believed promises. Though at the back of his mind, his naïve thoughts somehow voiced over the reality and fed him lies he so desperately wanted to believe. But for the majority of the time, Zephyr Clayton was straight to the fact. He didn’t void around the truth and he didn’t fish for compliments. He had a level head on his shoulders and a lot of people valued him for it. A lot of people he valued, too. Zeph didn’t have a lot of friends. His lack of social skills were to blame there. The only friend he had outside of work was Holland.

Thinking of the dark hair, tanned skin, Tim Burton themed arms, and bright smile that were the boy’s signature features made a smirk work it’s way to Zephyr’s pink lips. They shared plenty of the same interests with a few differences here and there. Plus, it was nice to have someone that showed up at the zoo every day that wasn’t part of the staff. Holland was allowed mostly anywhere. He was there enough that the higher rank of staff trusted him enough to let the boy tag along with Zephyr as he did his job. Even if Jayden didn’t exactly… approve of said friendship, Zephyr didn’t exactly want to stop seeing the other. On his part, that was all they were. Friends. Zephyr’s heart was solely kept for Jayden and for Jayden other. He might have a lot of love to express, but he could only express it for one person. When Jayden had won his heart back when they had been in high school, it had just been the starting point of a love that was grow to turn into something so deep he could feel the sensation of strong devotion and affection wrapped around his bones. He didn’t exactly understand the jealousy that divided not just Jayden, but Holland, too. He couldn’t stand the constant feeling of being pulled between the two. Best friend and boyfriend should be two totally different things. For him, they were. For the other two, he wasn’t so sure.

Shoving a hand through his freshly blow dried hair, he made a face at his straightener. The soft chestnut locks weren’t exactly curly, but they weren’t straight either. It seemed like a shame to straighten them when he was just going to do it again in the morning. With one more prolonged glance, he turned the bathroom light off and walked back to the kitchen. The fact that he couldn’t stand clutter or things being the slightest out of place, he retrieved his bag and tucked it away in the closet space by the front door. Zephyr turned his eyeliner absent eyes on the kitchen. It was spotless, as usual. For once, Zephyr didn’t have anything else to do but go and lay in bed and wait for Jayden to come home. Folding his thin arms across his chest, he stalked back to the end of the hallway; pushing the door open once he was a the entrance. His boney frame bounced against the soft pillow top, showing the impression of his first touch on the bed. Getting comfortable under the warm blankets, he turned the television on and settled on the channel it was already on. From the obnoxious set level of the volume and the flash of some music video across the screen, it as obvious that Jayden was the last person to occupy the entertainment center. Turning the volume down, Zephyr then dropped the remote and picked up his side quick. He took the familiar path of opening the new message with Jayden’s name (and the cliché less than three after it, of course). His thumbs moved across the buttons quickly; lip caught between his teeth and color hinting at his cheeks as he stared down at the message. ‘There might be a present waiting for you back home.’ Before he could change his mind, his thumb brushed over the so sensitive send button and the confirmation flashed against the screen.

STATUS finished.
WORD COUNT 2,014 so far.
NOTES omg zeph<3
TAGS jayden bby.
MUSIC always attract by you me at six.

[jayden]

»

[/size]goddamn, just let the kid be great.[/center][/b]

Jayden wasn't the fittest of dudes. That was pretty obvious. He was 5'9'' (well, 5'8'' and a half, but rounding never hurt anyone), didn't even weigh 150 lbs, and failed to develop any kind of major muscle. The most buffed he'd ever been in his entire life were during those weeks he spent with his family in Hawaii when he was younger. He'd go surfing almost every day and hang out in the ocean 99.9% of his time while on the islands, but that was a long time ago. Now, Chicago didn't exactly have any good places to surf or even swim. He felt like Lake Michigan didn't count, and besides, he was too spoiled with warm, tropical water to put up with the lake's chilliness, anyway. Going for a run or jog during the winter was a crazy idea, and joining a gym was out of the question; not only were memberships ridiculously expensive, but the boy just honestly didn't have the motivation to get up off of his ass and go work out a couple times a week: pathetic, but true. Unless it was something he really, really loved, he usually didn't bother doing it.

And it was because of his serious love of music that he was working where he was. The House of Blues was famous in the music world; it was one of the most spectacular places to perform, and to even be working there was mind-blowing to him. Being a part of the stage crew, Jayden always felt like he got to be a part of every show that was put on. He might not have been on center stage, but he helped set everything up, and he got to hangout in the back or right up in the front row with the best views and hearing range. Sometimes, he even got to meet the performers (and, yes, he could really be a total fanboy when he wanted to), but the best times were by far when he got to perform, himself. It wasn't often when it happened, but the manager liked him enough to let him have an acoustic set every now and again. It always felt incredible, under the heat of the stage lights with nothing but the glare and darkness in front of him, the sound reverberating out of the speakers and his guitar. At the risk of sounding completely corny, when he was on stage with or surrounded by his music, he felt the most free. The world of notes and rhythms and melodies was endless. It was beautiful to him: a boy that was always terrified of staying still too long and missing out on something.

If it weren't for that world and beauty, the music, Jayden probably wouldn't be working at the House of Blues. The hours weren't exactly great. Some days, he had to wake up super early to open and prepare for a big performance, and other days, he was there late for a show until the wee hours of the morning and had to deal with all the drunks. Sometimes (well, a lot of the time), he ended up having a little too much liqour himself, and when he went home his straight-edge boyfriend was less-than-pleased. The atmosphere he was surrounded by for his work tended to put a strain on their relationship, which wasn't easy. Though, he and Zephyr somehow managed. They'd managed all these years together, even back in high school when things were pretty much horrible.

And, of course, one of the worst things about being a part of stage crew was the fact he had to move heavy amps and equipment.

Or, at least, he had to help move heavy amps and equipment.

As aformentioned, he wasn't the strongest of the bunch that worked at the place, and usually, he just ended up standing off to the side, hands on his (very girly) hips, wide, cheeky smile on his face, happily encouraging the rest of his fellow crew members as they did all the work--which was what he was doing right at that moment.

"All right, you guys!" he called brightly. "It looks good. Just move that one over there a little bit more to the left, and I think you'll be done for the night."

One of the guys let out a small 'hrmph,' shooting the twenty-two-year-old a small glare through his shaggy blonde hair, but he obeyed, anyway. With a large groan, the last of the amps was pushed into the correct position in the corner, and the manager was walking up to Jayden, a smirk on his face. "Hey, since when did I put you in charge, Davison?" the slightly older man asked playfully, pulling the smaller boy into a headlock and giving him a noogie before letting him go.

Jayden quickly reached up and mussed with his now disheveled hair. "Knock it off, man," he said, but he was smiling, an amused twinkle in his eye. That was another good thing about working where he did; everyone was like family: a big, happy family bonded together by the music.

The blonde that had just glared at Jayden moments before for ordering him around was suddenly right by the other two, raising an eyebrow cockily at the dark haired boy. "Oh, since he decided he can't risk pulling any muscles on that pretty little body of his and refuses to help us out with moving the amps and instead just stands around and throws orders at us."

Jayden rolled his eyes before letting out a sudden yelp as he felt a light, playful smack to his ass. Flying around, he caught sight of his boss and fellow crew member walking off with a loud laugh. "Yup, he can't risk ruining that lovely ass." With a wave of his hand, his boss tossed him a quick, last glance."You're free to go, Jayden. Didn't take as long as I thought it would. Just bundle up, all right? It's cold out there."

"Ah, fuck you guys," Jayden quickly retorted, but he was smiling, an uncharacteristic blush spread across his pale face. Immediately, as soon as he was dismissed, the boy scampered from his spot on the stage through the back hallway, throwing open the door to the employee longue. Grabbing his hoodie off of the coat rack, he slipped it on and zipped up. Yeah, it was sort of ridiculous how he refused to wear anything else but his pink hoodie on a freezing Chicago day, but, that was Jayden Davison. You couldn't get him to change his ways for anything.

Well, almost anything.

A soft smile graced his lips as his thoughts travelled to who more-than-likely awaited him at home: his boyfriend, Zephyr Clayton. They'd been together for a few years (since high school, actually), and he trusted that boy with anything. He loved him enough to attempt to stop his drinking and smoking, even.

Attempted being the keyword, there. "Attempts" weren't always successful, but at least he was trying.

Habits stuck around for the kid. They'd been a way for him to deaden his pain, escape his screwed-up-little-life ,or some other ridiculous cliché way back when he was younger and first kicked out of his home, and the weed and alcohol had since sort of become a part of him, as sad as that was. It would take a while for him to become unhinged, but he knew Zephyr wanted him to get clean. Hell, he knew he needed to get clean for himself, too. All he did couldn't be healthy.

Assuming that one of the other employees was going to close up, Jayden stuffed his hands into his hoodie pockets and threw open the double, metal, gray EXIT doors, stepping out into the cold Chicago air. Immediately, the frigid temperature settled into his bones, and he shivered. Cupping his hands, he brought them to his oh-so-pouty lips and exhaled into them with a warm breath. "Fuck Chicago, I swear," he muttered to himself as he made his way down the somewhat decently empty (for a huge city) street to the bus stop. He felt bad for saying that, because aside from the wintery weather, the place was great, but truly. Give him Hawaii or Vegas any day over this.

Sometimes, the kid really missed home, but when he thought about it, what was back home...well, then it wasn't the best idea to head back, anymore. He'd lived for years so far without speaking to his parents; he wouldn't suddenly cave in because of a little homesickness. If anyone was going to come crawling back apologizing, it was going to be Mr. and Mrs. Davison--not him. In Jayden's eyes, as usual, he didn't do a damn thing wrong, and he wasn't going to let what his family did go easily. It was truly sad how well he, the normally so bright, happy kind of guy, could hold such a nasty grudge.

Aside from some woman in her thirties with a million and one shopping bags who was decent enough to half-smile at him, Jayden was the alone at the bus stop. Teeth chattering, bouncing up and down and cursing the wind chill of the city, the boy watched eagerly down the road for the approaching bus. When the public transportation vehicle's blue color came into view, he was about ready to sing. The buses were nasty, but, hell, at least they were warmer than outside.

The squeak of the bus's opening doors made Jayden cringe as he stepped on. That sound reminded him of school buses, which, of course, reminded him of school. School never had good memories for him. Actually, most of the memories of "school" he had consisted of getting high out by the dumpster or skipping class and hitching rides with friends.

Yeah, needless to say, he didn't exactly learn much those four years of high school.

As soon as he sat down in the gray seat, the fabric making a small noise as his jeans rubbed against it, he felt a vibration in his pocket that made his eyes shoot open wide. "Holy shit," he squeaked out in surprise, ignoring the small glare he got from the woman nearby for his language choice. Pulling out his phone, he smirked as he flipped open the screen and saw the message from Zephyr. His stomach fluttered excitedly and he smirked, cocking one eyebrow as he read the text. Normally, his shy, lanky boyfriend wasn't the most...forward with innuendos or sexual things, and this was unexpected. Not that Jayden wasn't pleasantly surprised, of course, and as his nimble fingers moved across the keypad, his smirk grew. He could just picture Zeph perfectly, biting his lower lip in that nervous way of his and blushing lightly as he typed the imildly nsinuating text to his boyfriend, of all people. He was too adorable for his own good, sometimes, Jayden thought.

oh, really? (;, his reply text read, what kind of present? i like presents a HELLA lot, you know.

Yes, sometimes Zephyr was too precious for his own good. The boy's dark brown gaze moved to stare at the gray, passing scenery of Chicago as the bus moved through town toward the block with their apartment. As his thoughts wandered to less-than-pleasing topics, he let out a small noise of dissaproval. He wasn't the only one attracted to Zephyr's personality and looks. There was a certain reallyreallyreallydamn annoying dude that was "only a friend" (Zephyr's words exactly) hanging out a bit too much with Jayden's boyfriend for his liking: Holland Vega. Yeah, the dark haired, too-tattooed, obsessive, annoying twenty-five-year-old just wouldn't give up. The minute he first met Zephyr, just talking to him briefly at the zoo, he'd liked him, and now, every time Jayden visited Zeph at work, Holland was there, too. It drove him out of his mind.

Usually, Jayden wasn't the jealous type. He was too cocky and confident for that, but this guy tore all his airs down, and even though, as far as Jayden knew, nothing had really happened between Holland and Zephyr (and hopefully never would), he just wanted the guy to leave his boyfriend alone already. But that obviously wasn't happening, as Holland had made very clear, and the animosity between them was obvious. In fact, the very thought of Holland was making Jayden's blood boil then and there, and he let out a small grumble, quickly banishing the older from his thoughts.

Thankfully, the small ding of the bus signalizing a stop sounded out, and Jayden's head perked up. Standing immediately, he was hopping off of the bus in a few moments, hands stuffed back in his pockets when the cold once again reached his face. He only had about a block to walk from here, at least.

Suddenly, as he passed the Chinese restaurant not too far from their apartment, the bright, blinking lights and panda bear design in the window advertising the place was OPEN, he realized that he needed to grab dinner, too. He felt bad making Zephyr cook every night, but he sure as hell wasn't doing any of it.

Pulling out his Sidekick, he typed a quick text: i'm almost home. gonna grab dinner. chinese okay?

He didn't care if Zephyr answered yes or no. He was getting food, either way, because he was damn hungry, and despite his boyfriend's strange, completely uneeded aversion to food, he was going to make sure Zeph ate, too. The kid worried him, sometimes (a lot of the time, actually).

Ordering didn't take too long. He knew exactly what Zeph like, and exactly what he wanted. Besides, they were both vegetarians and could share if the ocassion called for it. Maybe fifteen minutes after he first came in, Jayden was quickly back out, arm now slung with a plastic bag that had a big smiley face and read, 'thank you, come again!'

He cursed the cold Chicago weather until the moment he was up the two flights of stairs to their apartment door and throwing it open, the heat hitting and flushing his cold face. Quickly kicking off his shoes, closing the door behind him, and placing the bag of (delicious smelling) Chinese food on the counter, he took off running through the back hallway with a smirk on his face. Yes, Jayden quite enjoyed skipping, jumping, and racing around the apartment rather than walking like a normal person. It was no fun being "normal" in his head, anyway.

Bursting through their bedroom door, he was sprawled all over the body of his boyfriend, face flat on the mattress, within a few seconds. Voice muffled by the bedcover, not moving an inch, body still messily covering Zeph's, he giggled.

"Guess who's home?"

Oh, as if it could be anybody else.

[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]


words:[/size] 2500 something idk.[/color][/font][/size]
tag:[/size] zeph[/color][/font][/size]
music:[/size] redemption song (bob marley cover) - john legend
notes: so effing tired. sorry for suckiness, haha[/color][/font][/size]
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